Ultimately

i had fun yesterday

it was a good day

spent time with the people who didn't speak about you

but of course, i brought you up once

just once so i think that's an improvement

i didn't think of you much either

it felt nice, good to know there's a world without you

a world where i can live and be happy and not have you there

but then i came home at the end of the day

came home to you

my friend said it was the most heartbreaking she ever heard

"come home to you"

how can I help it when we chose to live in such proximity

what makes it worse is that

physically, you're so so close, just an arms reach away

mentally and emotionally, lord knows where you are, no search party can find you

and what really can I do when i found home in you

i dont know who to blame for that so I'll just blame myself and say "you should've known better, think think think"

you would never have stayed even when the clouds become dark

you would never care about me if you didn't gain anything out of it

you would run away the moment something didn't live upto your expectations

you would leave me behind and not think twice

why?

because that's how you are, you've always been

i knew that and i still gave you a chance

blind optimism at its finest

i really should've known better